Supreme Court OKs Strip Searches
The Supreme Court has refused to stop routine strip-searches of new jail inmates, including those arrested for minor offenses. With this new development, let’s take a look back through history for some other examples of criminals having their privacy infringed upon: 1692 – The Salem Witch trials see numerous women murdered without committing crimes. Unfortunately, … Read more
Keys to the Game: Kansas and Kentucky
Monday night, March Madness culminates as Kansas takes on Kentucky to determine the NCAA champion. Here’s a breakdown of what each team needs to do to win: KANSAS * Big man Thomas Robinson will need to overcome his crippling fear of caterpillars while guarding Anthony Davis and his unibrow. * Leave a duffel bag full of $10,000 in … Read more
Rising Gas Prices: What You Can Do
With gas costing the average American $3.90 a gallon, the country is in an uproar. Political tension in the Middle East means gas prices aren’t likely to go down anytime soon. But that doesn’t mean you should lose hope. Luckily, I have an advanced grasp on this subject matter, as I myself am a frequent consumer of gasoline … Read more
What Exactly Did James Cameron Find at the Bottom of the Ocean?
Director James Cameron recently completed a record-breaking dive to Earth’s deepest point, the lowest point of the Mariana Trench. Here’s what he found: A new form of life so beautiful that it will inspire him to spend ten years creating another Dances With Wolves ripoff A SHIT TON of pennies Quint For some reason, four economy-sized containers of Miracle … Read more
But Could He Beat Chewbacca?
Welcome back to the first entry in over a year of my long-running, critically acclaimed series “But Could He Beat Chewbacca?” in which worthy competitors from all walks of fiction, non-fiction, and in-between take part in hypothetical combat against the greatest movie character of all time, Chewbacca. PERFORMING STAND-UP COMEDY STRENGTHS: Anyone can do it, but very few master … Read more
